Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Lost and Insecure...

Lost and insecure.. this phrase keeps popping in my head.. even till now.. started from a song that I had in my PC (no other things to play, office blocked Youtube), well, and soon after, it started to remind me of how life is. We're all insecure in our ways, some insecure in their jobs, others insecure in looking for that other special elusive ONE, and even when you found that ONE, sometimes, insecurities comes in asking whether he/she is really the ONE.

I like psychology, I like human thinking, and I like sparring verbally about it, but the one thing that always stumped me was human feelings. We describe it with words, but how do you describe feelings to a person. MelM says I'm a feeler, which I totally agree upon, as I do use a lot of my feelings to get through things. People who know me well enough will always know, behind my happy and somewhat brave facade, what I feel, which brings me to the first 3 words of this post.

Lost and insecure... that's what I feel now. I've been secured in my place for far too long.. securedly holding my feelings in place, securedly braving through obstacles in one piece, that no matter how busy or worried I am, I stay strong. But sometimes I can feel a crack coming through. Maybe it's due to the stress the past couple of weeks... finding a place, getting a new housemate, moving, work, exams, papers, presentations, and the usual activity stuff, all in the month of June. I somewhat feel drained.... (phew.. lucky semester break is coming... but only one week.. damn...)

But that said, I rediscovered some parts of me that I forgot, like calling my mum when I'm stressed and staying in company of fantastic friends who only want the best for me, but the one that takes the cake is my confidence in going up heights again. I lost that confidence during my skydiving head knocking incident that left me looking like I just came out of a street brawl, but now, I'm looking forward to the thrill of feeling the wind against my face, the ability to move freely and free from being stuck to the ground, and well, just enjoying a superb scenery that only being in the sky can provide.

Living almost up to 3-0 already, the few things I've learnt is that...

"Things and people may come and go, but the experiences and memories stay on. Learn to live and learn to share and learn to give. Sacrifices are worth making only if what you get in return deserves it. Nothing lasts forever... but there is beauty in limitation... "

ohh, and one more

"always tell and show the people you love that you love them... be it family, friends, and even frenemies... ".

Man.. I feel old..

:)

Trudge on, y'all!!!

1 comment:

X said...

I came across your blog by chance while surfing around...

And somehow your entry on "Lost and Insecure" strike a chord with me... Mine didn't begin with a song but

You wrote as if you have built a wall around yourself, protecting yourself from feeling too much or being emotional.. Not that you don't feel anything just that you don't let it get to you...

And I think that is normal, it is just how people protect themselves from getting hurt too much...

Cheers,
X