Saturday, November 7, 2009

My past... and the future..

Hmm.. a lot of people have asked me numerous times.. why am I still single? And I used to get the perpetual nagging from my mum about finding "The One" everytime I called home.. till i threatened never to call or go home again if that is the only thing she will ever talked to me about, and it worked.. hehe.. but anyways....

My close friends who knows my past will know my whole story and how far I've come. It was a mistake from the start, somehow, I knew it, but yet... I played along, ignoring every single sign warning me. I also ignored my intuition, that I trusted all the while and that I "believed" that everthing was going to be fine.

I put everything I was into it, and lost myself. It took me a week to stop crying when I wake up, when I was alone in the my clinic room, at night before I sleep, two weeks before I was able to sleep without drinking myself till I was pissed, a month to start smiling again and a year to rediscover who I was.. but only a few months ago to say that it was finally over.

Yes.. it took me that long, but it was because I am who I am.. and that I am passionate in whatever I do, and I believe that to do anything in life, I must give all I have. And that is who I'll always be... I am serious when I am with others cos I dun like to hurt their feelings... I am like my mum, strong for others on the outside, but soft in the inside. Hurting others hurts me more...

For now, work and studies and training supercedes everything else.. and those are now my priorities, right below family and close friends. Which is the main reason actually that I wanna take a break from racing next year.. so I can focus on other things in life... :) .. I'm sure my mum will be happy to hear tt.. till I tell her that I wanna spend more time on diving (scuba and sky) next year too.... hehe

Hmm.. many wonders await me next year.. I can just feel it in my bones... and I am all looking forward to it :)

Trudge on...

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