Thursday, January 17, 2008

Ambitions...

Ambitions.. something we used to have when we were young, but somewhere along the way it gets skewed with reality. I've known people who had, all their lives have only wanted to be an engineer, but ended up doing something else- life sciences research - in the end. I've also known some who have always wanted to be a doctor, but ended up hating the job once they're stuck with it. The noble idea of altruistically helping someone else gets mixed up with the reality of hopelessness, that the only thing in mind is to finish up and go home at the end of the day. How about those that never had a fixed ambition. The ones that changes their answer everytime you ask them what they wanted to be.. I was one of them...

I've fancied history - anthropology, sociology - more than medicine itself. Was always into the way things work, the fundamental ideas that govern the laws of the world, and never had a problem with maths, hence physics was fun to me. I liked to work with my hands and was ever so eager to unscrew watches, plug equipments up... just to see how it works.. Can never draw but loved to write, stories, poems,....whatever that tickles my interest then. Arguing is fun, when it is to prove a point (hate to argue over minor matters, feels that its a total waste of time) ... so a lawyer maybe? How about my love for the outdoors... love trekking, breathing in fresh clean air only accesible way out from the big cities... so where does all this put me?... Am I in the right profession? Helping people - check. Learning about how amazing the human body is - check. But listening to others whine about their day - cancel that check. Trying my best to cheer them up after a bad day only to get complaints later on - cancel another check. Or how about working nonstop for 2 days without lunch, dinner, breakfast, toilet breaks, sleep, etc etc etc..only to have people complain against me, piling more work on me - hmm.... don't know what to say already. For now, life is good where I am, but will it remain so in the next few months?

Hmm.. this has been plaguing my mind for the past few weeks as the next posting selection process is going to close in another 2 weeks time. In the long term, I don't think I'll stay on after my bond (just another 5 yrs), as I need to feel free again. That's the only thing that I'm very sure of myself, that I need to be free. Who knows, maybe by then I would find the right person to give myself to, or I might be travelling and enjoying the highlights of the world that God has created (free-thinker, btw) :)... Life changes all the time, sometimes for the worse, other times it gets better. In the end, it's not what you wanted in the beginning that counts, its not what you get in the end that really matters, its about what you learned about yourself in the journey of it all. It's how you adapt to the changes, (or for some, it's how you make the changes adapt to you) and finally how you affect others. So, for now, I'll just suck it all in and stick with my life. It'll move along, and I'll be the star in my life (or till I find some sad poor soul to share it with)....
Till then, move on...

1 comment:

Ivy Chai said...

Oh, i soo love this post. Really speaks to me. You're right, it's the end that matters.

I still have the ambition to be a writer.... join me?