Monday, January 7, 2008

First blog, in over a year..

Life, sometimes I wonder if it's worth living through it. Ever since I was a kid, I've always wondered how I would be like when I'm all grown up. And now that I am grown up, I wonder if I'll make enough for the next bill payments, the rentals, the loan repayment, whether I'll meet my socalled life-mate (yes, not soul mate), have kids, and finally whether I'll ever get to retire, and finally what will happen after I die. Wow.. big jump from idle fantasies to real time messes. I guess everybody makes that leap, some takes it on gradually, and other's its like a rude awakening. Looking back, mine was like a rude awakening cushioned by the help of friends who previously had they're own rude awakenings. Unfortunately, when i had my first solo encounter with "growing up", it ended up bad.. but I realised that it made me stronger than all other encounters I had before, with someone holding my hand and leading me slowly. I guess, the best way to learn, as all others have said is to just jump into the deep end of a pool... and try your best to swim out of it before you drown. On the way up, you'll definitely swallow more water, you'll gasp for air, you'll try to claw your way out.. sometimes you see a helping hand that pulls you out a little, sometimes not.. and when you finally do... it feels great to breath in fresh air again.. I'm glad I pulled through... but I have to give thanks to all the hands that were there... YY, BK, KM, DRK, R3BW, CW, KL peeps mommy, daddy, bro and all colleagues at work... i would've drowned, but you all just wouldn't let go... thank you, for not letting go.. now its my turn to return the deed to all out there.. for a good deed needs to be passed on.. and I guess, that's my reason for continuing living a somewhat meaningless life at times..

Friends from my past said that I have changed a lot. One was surprised that I'm not as ambitious as I was back in Ipoh. Heck, she was even more ambitious than me for that matter. Maybe I've mellowed, maybe I've finally found my priorities in life. I feel smug saying this but I feel at times that I've achieved a lot in the past 5 yrs that I never thought I would have accomplished. I've also learned that it's not how much you have, how famous you are, or how many people you have worhipping you that counts. It's how much you can care, love and help others that matters. Am I being to idealistic here? Maybe, maybe not. Think about it..give it thought. Is living forever that important? Is owning that next LV bag the next big thing in your life?... Or is putting a smile on someone else's face more fulfilling? Or is that warm rush of blood through your head when you love someone and that person loves you back feels better? I'd take the latter 2 options, anytime, anywhere.. hmm...yup...i've mellowed down... a lot :).. don't get me wrong, still not mature yet though... I'm still a kid inside..

Blogging @ work is fun...but it ends when lunch time is over.. hopefully this blog will last at least one post more than my last one (which was around 2 posts only)... ciao for now..

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